A couple friends and I got into a discussion the other day about who is a "Total" Bro. After several hours of eliminating and adding great men to a list of twelve. We came to the conclusion that a Total Bro not only followed all rules of the Bro Code, but also stood up for his fellow Bros. Finally we were able to realize that you just "know" who was deemed worthy for this list. Argue if you must, we already did that, trust me. Hear me now, believe me later.
These are the Bros that are greater than just a "pretty cool bro." They have, during their lifetime (whether it be fictional or historical), demonstrated what it truly means to be a Bro and have paved the way for us all to strive to be like them. These are the 12:
(Listed chronologically based on time of being/creation)
1. David
When the Israelites are facing an army of Philistines and one cocky giant named Goliath makes a decision to decide the outcome of the battle with a single combat, David is merely bringing food to his brothers. “Yo, guys. I got this.” He was heard by his fellows Bros as he picks up some smooth stone and kills Goliath with a toss from his sling shot. Then to add even more proof, he cuts the behemoth’s head off with Goliath’s own sword. He then proceeds to lead Israel as what could only be described as the most awesome King ever.
2. Jesus
The guy died for our sins and inspired eleven awesome Bros to follow him and spread word about all his epic doings (Judas was a total un-Bro and for that, he is not included). Then as if to say “Screw you death,” he comes back three days later and continues the same awesomeness that he had done before he was killed. Way to be a Bro.
3. George Washington
As father of the best country in the world, George fought for our freedom from those oppressive, tea sipping, wig and lace wearing, sissies, the British. He crossed the Delaware in one of the most epic poses ever and during the time when he could have been home on his plantation opening Christmas presents with his American Dream family. I’m also fairly sure he punched a polar bear.
4. Teddy “Broosevelt” Roosevelt
Starting out as a Rough Rider, Broosevelt was one of the busiest Presidents ever. From hunting bears to sparing cubs and from busting trusts to forming national parks, Broosevelt made good use of his terms. He came up with the bad ass slogan of “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” Broosevelt also had an assassination attempt that lodged a bullet in his chest. However, being the Bro that he is, decided that since he was not coughing up blood, the bullet had not punctured his lungs and therefore did not need immediate medical attention and so he proceeded to carrying out his speech that day.
5. Gandalf
First helping the mini-dwarf like people, the hobbits by giving them legendary adventures and a sick nasty ring, then saving them from said ring when it was discovered that it was pure evil, Gandalf was a true Bro. Not stopping there, he willingly volunteered to join the Nine to destroy the ring, ultimately sacrificing himself in a totally wicked way by breaking apart a bridge in order to stop a Balrag and shouting an insanely quoted phrase, “You shall not pass!” Once again, death can’t keep this Bro down as Gandalf comes back as even more bad ass and aides in the defense of Rohan’s Helm’s Deep and then fights back the Nazgûl in the Battle of Gondor. The old man is simply unstoppable when it comes to helping out the Bros of Middle Earth.
6. Captain Kirk
As captain of the starship Enterprise, Kirk probably never had to set foot on some uncharted and dangerous planet, but he did it anyways because his fellow Bros were down there and God help him if he loses a major character of the show. The guy was captured, beaten up, and mind controlled more times than can be counted. And still he jumped down to the next planet without any thought of premature “Beam me up Scotty” lines. What a Bro.
7. R2-D2
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| R2-D2 being a total Bro by showing Luke a video of a hot chick. |
R2-D2 is in every Star Wars movie and always seems to be needed somewhere. He is constantly required to put his “thing” into places that it really doesn’t belong in and as a result is constantly shocked or damaged due to these poor decisions. And yet he continually does it anyway, because is that not what being a Bro is all about? Putting our “thing” into places that it never belongs because our Bros are counting on us to open doors… and stuff.
8. Han Solo
As a scruffy-looking nerf hearder, Han Solo is the stereotype of smugglers and a perfect example of a Bro. Sure he did most of his deeds for money, at first. But after getting his reward money for saving Princess Leia and then coming to Luke’s aid when Darth Vader had him in his sights? That was a total Bro move. He then joined the Rebellion, leading his fellow Bros against the Empire’s shield generator for a bad ass explosion.
9. Will Smith
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| It's not about the size, but how you use it. |
The Fresh Prince inspires the ideals of all Bros in his movie/television roles. With a show that continues to be watched and laughed at as eagerly as when it first aired, Will Smith shows that he knows what Bros want. He continues to deliver in his movies such as; Men In Black, Hancock, Wild Wild West, Independence Day, Hitch, I Robot, and Bad Boys.
10. Neil Patrick Harris
The guy wrote the Bro Code. He played one of the greatest Bros in all existence, Barney Stinson. He broke down the stereotype of gays while building up a standard for Bros. And just to throw in a few more tricks, he performs magic and can sing a mean Dream On. Wud up Bros?
11. Optimus Prime
12. Old Spice Guy
This mysterious man’s origins are unknown. It is speculated that he arrived on Earth when Jesus and Zeus high fived. He is known as the ultimate man, a demi-God of Awesome, and the idol of Bros everywhere. Though he has done little in the way of Brohood, he has inspired all of us Bros to live like the man we could be and to use Old Spice body wash. I’m on the Bro list.
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